Lately I’ve known that I’m not myself, whoever that is. I’ve ended up spending a whole bunch of time at work. I used to love my job. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t HATE my job, but when I’m there I’m not the fullest me I can be these days. There are occasional bright glimmers of accomplishment, when spirit shines through, but for the most part I feel like I’m treading water. Given circumstances it’s actually pretty understandable…mostly everyone is treading water these days, waiting to see which way the tide will go, or maybe just waiting for the rescue boat to show up. I’m just not used to it; I’m used to going with the flow and knowing I’m in it.
I wasn’t even aware it was an identity crisis until symptoms started showing up in my physical world. A few months ago I lost my old ID badge for work. I’ve had it for more than 10 years and poof, it’s gone. I know I must have hidden it from myself somewhere but have no idea where. Anyway, I’ve been wearing a spare that I got a year or so ago. The odd thing is this. I always wear my name badge. I almost never forget and the one day I did I picked up the spare. Over the last week and a half I’ve misplaced the spare several times and had to leave home without it or simply forgotten to take it. One of the days I did take it I left it in the car and had to go out for it mid-morning.
Yesterday it hit me. I lost my old ID badge. I’m not the one I used to be. Half the time I’m missing my newer badge. I’m not the one I think I’m supposed to be now either.
The words the guys said long ago keep coming back to me today. You’re not the one you think you are, you are the one you are…. Be That.